I grew up in a conservative Christian home. From the time I was four, we attended church regularly. I loved going to church, enjoyed being there whenever the doors were open and it was never a question to me whether I should be there or not.
At a young age I began praying regularly. I prayed before bed, before meals, in the morning and any time I just needed my fears calmed or an answer to a need. Soon, I began reading my Bible and spending time in devotions. I didn’t always understand what I was reading but spending time in God’s word was important to me.
It wasn’t easy though.
My mind would wonder. I would find myself getting way off track and before I knew it, I was doing something completely different. I loved God very much but my heart was divided between things here on earth and my relationship with God that seemed less urgent.
Fast forward a few years…maybe 15 or so!! I really thought by now, I would have this thing down. I assumed spending time with my Father in Heaven would be a part of my daily schedule like brushing my teeth or eating. I had hoped it would come naturally to me and the struggle would be gone.
Unfortunately, that is not the case. Don’t get me wrong, I love my time with God and I find my greatest peace at His feet. I feel refreshed, I find strength and deep down, I long for that time with Him. But, I am still distracted! Almost 28 years into my relationship with him and I still find my heart divided.
Last year I found myself growing closer and deeper with God than I ever had before. My time with Him was almost never forgotten because I literally counted down until it was time to get alone and learn more of who He was and what His plan was for me. This time was so precious for me.
When I found out I was pregnant this March, my whole life jolted. As happy and blessed as I was, I was sick as a dog and couldn’t seem to keep up with anything. My kids were going crazy, my bathroom smelt awful and the laundry was piling up fast.
I spent much time just laying on the couch, not even able to watch TV because of how sick it made me. The days I did feel good, I spend cleaning up from the days I could do nothing, and the cycle continued.
When the nausea settled down, I found myself fully concentrating on how this thing would work. I went into full “mother of four” mode and spent much time contemplating and planning all that needed to be done to make this family work with six. Not to mention, I have spent as much time as possible resting when the house is quiet because heaven only knows I will get little to no sleep coming this fall!
All of this change in my life has detoured me away from my relationship with God once again.
While God is a God of grace He still waits there for me each day, when the house is quiet. I feel Him tug on my heart, reminding me that He has strength and peace and wisdom to pour over me if I will just sit with Him for a moment. I hear Him calling me but because of my distracted mind and my divided heart, I ask him to wait just one more day. What will one day hurt?
Truth is, that one day turns into two and before you know it, three months have passed and you feel empty.
Just yesterday my eyes were so opened to this when my pastor made a statement along these lines. The devil does not want you worshiping God. He doesn’t care what you worship as long as it is not God. If he can just bump you a little off course then he has done his job.
As he made the movement of “bumping” I realized that is right where I am at. I still talk to God and on Sunday’s I truly give all I have in worship to Him but through the week I let the devil bump me just ever so slightly, just enough that I am not worshiping God but the things around me. I’m putting all my mind and heart into all that I think needs to be done and controlled in order for life to go well for our family.
I open up about this not to say if you are not reading your Bible daily, you better do that NOW. I write about this today because I see this is something I have always struggled with and Lord knows this may always be the battle I face. Distractions will always be there and as a mom and a wife, my heart may always struggle to be divided but no one…NO ONE can fill me and bring me the peace that my God can.
Each time I find myself being “bumped” off track, maybe just for a few days or even for several months, I always find My Father, waiting patiently for me. I feel Him asking me to come sit with Him. He is calling me to find peace that passes all understanding in His presence.
If you are in this place, if you have been bumped off course, can I just encourage you to choose today to bump the devil right back in his place and find your seat with your Father. Sit with Him, talk to Him and read what He has for you in His word. Even just 5 or 10 minutes of quiet in His presence can turn into a lifetime of satisfaction and if in a few weeks, you get bumped off course again, get back up again and never stop fighting for that time. It is well worth it and He promises to meet you there!
My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” Ps. 27:8 NLT
**NOTE: If this post resonates with you and you struggle with being distracted from your walk with Christ, I encourage you to read my (Holly’s) post on the tension of balancing your spiritual needs with your daily tasks:
Cassandra writes at Raising Up Stones where she encourages mothers and wives to embrace what may seem like the longest days but are the shortest years of their lives. She has been married to her best friend, who can always make her laugh, for 10 years. Together they have three children and she began homeschooling her kindergartner and Preschooler this year (as the one year old destroys the house!). Her passion for making each moment count with her children, finding romance in the chaos and experiencing real intimacy with God is evident in all that she writes. She hopes to inspire and encourage women in each of these areas. You can join the journey on her blog, Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest.