A wife wants to be beautiful to her husband. She wants to know that there are specific physical attributes of her that excite him and entice him to desire her. So what happens when a wife doesn’t feel attractive or appealing to her husband? How does she move from feeling unlovely to feeling beautiful?
Sometimes the feeling of unloveliness is a matter of self-confidence in the wife. Let’s face it, a woman is always battling with her appearance and whether or not she believes she is beautiful to anyone – especially to herself and her husband.
Other times, feeling unattractive is initiated by the words of her husband (or lack thereof). There is much to say about both of these scenarios which I will address in subsequent posts, however this post is meant to point us to an even greater truth.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” — Ephesians 2:4-7
God found us lovely.
He found us so worthy of love and beauty that He pursued us throughout history in the effort to bring us into relationship with him. In all this, God never had any illusions about us. He knew of our sinful nature while He was making His move to die for us. He presently knows of our ugliness, that is our sin, yet in the same breath He calls us “beloved” and ushers us toward righteousness.
But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.” — Titus 3:4-7
While we desperately want validation for our feelings and to be regarded as beautiful from those dearest to us, it is God’s opinion that must reign in our hearts and minds. It is His words of loveliness to which we turn when we feel at our ugliest lest we believe the lies that drive us away from His truth, found in His grace.
For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.” — Romans 5:7-10
So, before we jump into thinking the worst of ourselves or the worst of our husbands and having our marriages strained by the doubts of our worth and loveliness, let us first focus on what God has said and done on our behalf to demonstrate His love for us. Let us ruminate on His thoughts and actions in order to have an intimate relationship with us. Praise be to God for His unrelenting grace!
Let’s engage this issue.
- Do you feel unlovely? What is causing this feeling?
- What makes you feel beautiful?
- Do you need to discuss this topic with your husband and invite him into your heart on the matter? How can he help you?
- What verses do you need to memorize that will help you focus on God’s Word? Or do you need to repent of unbelief in God’s Word?
To continue reading on this specific topic, check out Wives, Free Your Husbands!