Yesterday turned out to be a day of big struggle for me. Both my kids were “at their worst” and it was a day of discipline most of the time. It frustrated and discouraged me, and I felt like a failure – I yelled. A lot. Yelling is something I struggle with, I’ve share that before and I feel like I barely survived the morning.
Too bad this post wasn’t posted yesterday morning in the 15 minutes I had to myself before the kids woke up.
At nap time (which was also a struggle as Claire decided not to nap and instead keep disobeying), I fell at Jesus’ feet and cried my eyes out. I camped out in Lamentations 3:19-24:
“Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
the wormwood and the gall!
My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
And followed that up with Hebrews 12:1 & Psalm 18. I confessed my sin to him and then also confessed to both my kids (even though Iain is 1 and doesn’t understand what I’m doing). The afternoon was better but not much until about 4p when they started playing by themselves nicely and I made dinner & pie. I had to confess and ask forgiveness from them repeatedly. By the time Paul got home, honestly I had a migraine and almost went straight to bed, which was his idea actually. Paul was God’s grace to me in my time of need, he took point in caring for the kids for the remainder of their time awake, while I struggled to hold myself together.
At first I felt like a failure but over time I was praising God. The Bible tells us, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God. You will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17). I am free from condemnation (Romans 8:1-2), I cannot be separated from His love (Romans 8:35-39), He is working a good work in me (Romans 8:28), and God is my victor through Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 15:57).
It was an ALL DAY LESSON, but I’m grateful for it because it reminded me that I can do nothing in my own strength and that I am a sinner in great need of God’s transforming mercy every day. Today is a new day, with new mercies.