Number 20 – Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
I do not have many memories of my childhood, both Katie & I just do not remember and we don’t know why. I think I could count on my hands the number of memories I actually have. With that said, here are three and why I think they might be significant.
- Camping with my family & annual trips to Lake Powell are the happiest memories I have, it’s also probably why I love camping so much. I specifically remember playing cards & board games, exploring nature and making up stories. I remember early morning fires with the sunrise and coffee, and late night fires with the sound of crackling wood and looking up at the stars while drinking hot chocolate. I remember games of capture the flag at nighttime with other kids in the campground. These are the memories that I love to think back on because it proves that our family was normal sometimes.
- I’ve been debating whether or not to state this one but then I realize that this is for my kids to know more about me so I should be honest. The second one will be times when Katie & I had to protect each other. Specifically I remember doing the dishes one evening and then all of a sudden being strangled by my mom. I don’t know what provoked her because I was just doing my chore in silence, but it happened and I nearly passed out. Katie had to jump on her back and nearly threw her through the garage wall (there was a big hole forever) to get her off of me. I also did the same thing for Katie when my mom jumped on her and started punching her for getting gum out of her purse. These memories make me praise God that I came to faith in Jesus because it was situations like these that contributing to deep depression as a child & teen, which led to me contemplating suicide many times and becoming a “cutter“. It was this stuff that led me straight to Jesus after moving out. When He got ahold of me, my life was never the same. I am 180° different than what I was like growing up… seriously, new person for real.
- “Friend betrayal” – I remember several instances when I thought I had friends but then I turned out to be the “butt of the joke”. Specifically, I remember being friends with Leslie B. and Kandice H. in 5th or 6th grade. They were mad at each other and while I was playing with Kandice, she asked me “Do you like Leslie?” I said, “I don’t know why you’re asking.” and she blurted out, “Well I do and not you!” From that point, they de-friended me and started joking about me and how gullible I was. It seems insignificant, but this is when I pretty much decided not to try to make friends anymore, I didn’t want to be open or vulnerable and I didn’t really talk to people much anymore. I was cordial with people when I needed to be and of course while doing sports or whatever but no one besides Katie ever got extremely close to me. Brea was the only other person I really hung out with but she was still always closer with Katie. I would say Brea was the only person outside of Katie that I let my guard down with a little. I didn’t trust anyone besides Katie & Brea and therefore did not have any other meaningful, healthy friendships.
- BONUS – I remember some of the court process of our family splitting for good. I remember having to talk to the judge in his chambers and answering the questions, “Who do you want to live with?” and “What last name do you want?” I remember having to see a psychoanalyst to determine whether or not we had selective amnesia following a claim from my mom about my biological dad (which she was honest about & admitted it was false later). All this started the process of not knowing where I fit in and it continues still to this day – I struggle with knowing if I fit in anywhere.
Would you like to participate in the “30 Things” series?
There is a link party on the index page of this series, you can add your link at any time this month. I would truly enjoy reading about you!