🙂 Through my blog you guys really do get a glimpse of all the good and not-so-good in me. This one’s not particularly good until the second half, just a caution for you.
COMPLAINT: I am still ecstatic that we’re going to have a baby, but I seriously feel like I’ve got a stomach flu that won’t relent! Morning sickness for me lasts 24/7 – every day. It evens wakes me up at night sometimes. I am eating something small (snacking) all the time and it was helping periodically until yesterday. Now, even when I try to eat something I still have constant queasiness, and it’s really uncomfortable. On top of the relentless nausea, I am utterly exhausted. Today I have very low expectations of myself: I’m going to go grocery shopping and clean the kitchen, and that is it! I just don’t have to energy to do anything, but my naps in the afternoon are wonderful!! Except when I take them, I can’t go to sleep at night. And sleeping at night is a fiasco, I wake up anywhere between 2-7+ times a night (I lost count the other night but it was a LOT), mostly because I’m just plain uncomfortable and don’t know how to get comfortable. Sometimes it’s because of my bladder or nausea but mostly it’s simply because I’m tossing around. Ok, now that that piece of ranting is out of the way let’s get on to some other ‘real’ thoughts…
PERSPECTIVE: I am still not 100% convinced that there’s a baby in there. Sometimes, when I think about it I get really nervous about that baby having to come out! I am nervous about my diet and whether I’m eating the right things in the right amounts to give nourishment to our growing baby; and not putting him/her at risk for anything because of things I don’t know I’m either supposed to eat but haven’t or have eaten without knowing I’m not supposed to, or if my snacking all the time may be causing me to gain more weight than I should be at this point. I also am a little nervous because I’ve been so tired lately that I haven’t really exercised as much as I wanted to and even when I have good intentions of doing so I inevitably have trouble getting the energy to even walk around the block. Now, I know that most of these things will go away, especially after the first prenatal appointment and first trimester, but this is where I’m at right now.
HEART: Now that you know of my annoyances and thoughts about pregnancy, let me share with you my deepest feelings. I am so blessed to be able to carry this gift, whomever our baby (or babies) will become, that I often just find myself rubbing my (still not showing) belly and praying for “Bean”. I pray every day that God would continue to grow our baby to be strong and healthy, to cultivate a heart open to the Lord who will be saved by His grace. I pray for God to invest a curiosity and longing for things eternal in the heart of our baby, and that Bean would pursue the knowledge of His grace as we love and teach him/her. (Most of the time we call Bean a ‘him’, just so you know, but we won’t really know for a long while yet.) I also praise God for the opportunity and calling on us as parents, and for wisdom as we enter this world of unknowns in our new roles. Sometimes it’s daunting to know that what lies up ahead are millions of decisions that we’ve never had to make before and I feel unprepared for such a journey, but I am so very blessed because I get to share this with someone else, Paul – my best friend and husband who is such a gracious servant and godly man. And we both seek the Lord’s glory in our pregnancy and trust in His sovereignty. I am confident that He will sustain us and grow us in this entire endeavor, and that He will provide us with wisdom as we ask for it every step of the way.
“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127:3-5 ESV)
LATEST: My first prenatal appointment is this Thursday. I will also have my first ultrasound on the same day so we can see how many blessings I might have in there. I think this will help make it more “real” to me that there is in fact a baby growing inside of me. Now, given that I’ve never had a first prenatal appointment before, I don’t know exactly what to expect but I do know that a lot of testing will take place, I think. I’m sure I’ll post news as we get it later this week!